My name is Elena and God delivered me from pornography. I have never shared this with anyone because being a young woman I didn't think it was okay to speak of these things and because of the fear of judgement from my peers. I believed the lies that I was filthy and dirty. Though I have remained celibate physically I have not remained celibate in my heart or in my thoughts. The first time I ever watched porn was in grade six. It started with a google search and one thing led to another. All of a sudden I had discovered this xxx world and there began my addiction. Once a week... Once a day... Then for hours on end I would be glued to the computer screen. I remember I would sit there and tell myself one more video Elena and then close it but I was never satisfied and the one more video turned into five and so on and so forth. That's the thing with porn, it's a very temporal satisfaction (if you can even say it satisfies at all) and it distorts your views on love, sex and relationships. I continued to watch porn all the way into my first year of university in a roller coaster cycle. I would watch it for a week or a day and then feel guilty about it so my guilt would bring me to repentance. I always knew at the back of my head that it was wrong but I shut that voice off. I told myself that I still wasn't as bad as (insert name here). I told myself that even though you're sinning, God will forgive you so it's okay. But God doesn't work that way... You can't intentionally sin knowing you'll ask for forgiveness later. Anyways, I went for long periods of time without watching porn... For months on end (even a year at some points) I wouldn't feel tempted and I was proud. I felt like I had overcome. But the thing is I still desired these things. Fast forward to winter 2012 I remember I was in my room all day on the computer watching porn videos and I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror and began to feel so unworthy. I couldn't believe what I had done. I was at a breaking point and knew something had to change. I went back to my room and began to talk to God, I said "Lord, I'm sorry. What I'm doing isn't right. This isn't how you desire for me to live. I need your help and I need you more than ever". After that short prayer I began to look for information on how to overcome an addiction to porn. I found a site filter that blocked any websites that would remotely be close to a porn site. For example, it wouldn't even let me visit Victoria Secret's website. I can't remember the name but I can share some other ones that work just as well. I also got rid of anything I felt wouldn't help me in my recovery and I began to consume myself with things of God. 2 Timothy 2:22 says, "Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart."
I know that I am forgiven and I know that I am delivered. I don't desire these things anymore. I desire God! Porn did not die on a cross for me. Believing in it won't get me to heaven. God did!! God did! His love is so great and He is soooooooooo merciful towards me. He loves me even though I'm not perfect and He is constantly there waiting for me. I love Him more than any video, any website, any thing in this world. Yes, temptations do come but I resist them, I don't give in and I don't give up.
The Bible says, “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you (James 4:7).” But a lot of us resist the devil without submitting to God. This was (and is) the first step. We can't do it on our own.
If you find yourself living a life of sexual immorality, there is hope and help for you! The power of the Holy Spirit is available to you (Ephesians 3:16). The cleansing of God’s forgiveness is available to you (1 John 1:9). The renewing capacity of God’s Word is at your disposal (Romans 12:1-2). Commit your mind and eyes to the Lord (1 John 2:16). Ask God to strengthen you and help you to overcome pornography (Philippians 4:13). Ask God to protect you from further exposure to porn (1 Corinthians 10:13), and to fill your mind with things that are pleasing to Him (Philippians 4:8). These are all requests that God will honor and answer.
A few sites you can try to practically help you overcome are:
www.X3Watch.com or www.covenanteyes.com which are accountability software you buy and they will track websites you visit and even send them to an accountability partner of your choosing.
download.cnet.com/9241-2162_4-11529878.html?messageID=10640938\ is a free internet filter (similar to the one I have) that blocks out anything remotely close to sexual images etc.
Having an accountability partner is probably one of the best things to do... Know that you are not in it alone. James 5:16 says, "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."
God loves you. He is calling you. Answer Him, lean on Him, TRUST HIM.
Stay Blessed
I'm praying for you!
Elena Asks.
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